Thanks to Doc P. for allowing me this space on the 4th of July. Since skeptics often have jobs several pay grades beneath their genius, I offer this way for them to earn extra cash:
Hey skeptic. Thinking about selling your private parts, a kidney or slice of your liver to make easy money off your own flesh and bone? Think again. You can earn quick cash for beer, a fill up or even flowers for mom, thanks to the simple fact that you’re a red-blooded American male. You heard right—cash, not a check or credit to your account. Because blood plasma centers are run by righteous dudes dedicating to providing their clients with instant funds for subsequent activities of their own choosing. Once you’re out the door, the money is yours and so is temporary financial freedom, although your blood sugar levels may be low for 24 to 48 hours. So buy a Dove Bar. You’ll have the dough.
Finding a place to “donate” blood plasma ain’t hard. It’s a booming big business. Blood plasma centers have popped up across the country in recent years to meet demand for its life-saving products. There’s most likely a facility located near a college campus in your town, because, to coin an industry slogan, “Student Plasma Is Welcome!” Yes, the universe of acceptable donors extends beyond selfless leprechauns who sprout like mushrooms in the shade of train trestles.
An academic paper published in Volume 19, number 2 of Sociological Spectrum confirms this. According the abstract of “Selling Blood”: Characteristics and Motivations of Student Plasma Donors, 10% of surveyed U.S. university students report selling plasma.
Here’s the money quote: Speaking of the undergrads who donate for money, the authors conclude, “…paid student plasma donors tended to be predominantly male and from higher income families and to have higher rates of employment while in school. They also exhibited greater rates of alcohol consumption and cigarette smoking. Unlike non-remunerated Red Cross donors, (these) plasma donors do not feel a strong identification with the altruistic aspects of the blood donor role. Rather, they are motivated to continue donating in order to secure an easy source of pocket money, which they tend to spend freely, especially on social drinking in student bars.”
Even if you don’t fit the profile, giving the gift of plasma may be a savvy move to make. Upright citizens may consider it an undignified way to turn a buck. But donors receive $20 to $40 per visit and are allowed to make two donations a week. When you surprise your girl friend with a stunning bouquet of roses, how’s she gonna know you bought it with cash earned by your very own blood platelets?
Another option: Tell your girl friend the truth. Talk up how good giving plasma made you feel. That allowing a nurse to insert the needle in her vein would be an altruistic act she, too, would never forget. Convince her to wear that sequined tube top you like so she won’t even need to roll up a sleeve! Then—quick—before your girl gets cold feet, swing by the center. Within a half hour she’ll have made her donation and you’ll have more dough to hit the clubs with. Plus a truckload of brownie points for showing what a caring guy you are.
Need more convincing? Here’s a testimonial from a guy named Phil at BloodBanker.com: “I was a young starving college student once and got involved with these plasma donation centers. It was a great way for me to get a handle on my bills without much effort, also I learned about how blood helps people and cord blood banking as well. I would do homework, read magazines…even watch TV while having the economic resources for school supplies, or a sub sandwich.
“Sound easy enough, right? Yes, it really is an easy process that you can do to help out people in need and it doesn’t take a degree in stem cell research to do it…We find that younger people, (college students) donate for money and then when they get older they donate just to be helping out. Be this kind of person, it rocks!”
The collection procedure takes from 30 to 60 minutes. A needle is placed in your arm and blood is collected using sterile equipment. The equipment is disposable and used only once. To quote from the patient brochure at one plasma center, “The uncollected parts of the blood, including red blood cells and white blood cells, are returned to the donor. This allows the donor to donate up to two times a week because they do not have to replenish the parts of the blood that are returned to them.”
Testimonial #2: From an unnamed Pennsylvania donor on bloodbanker.com: “So they pay you $20 for the first visit during a week and then $30 for the 2nd time during the same week (they do this to encourage you to come more often, and health wise, it’s perfectly fine to do this…as long as you aren’t sick. DO NOT donate blood, plasma or any fluids if you are even starting to feel under the weather, I did this once and got a fever of 104!) ALSO…this is big, I just spoke with them and for the month of Oct. they are giving you $40 for the 2nd visit!...Make some extra money with these cats, it’s easy, fun and the right thing to do.”
Plus, you’ll broaden your horizons and meet interesting people. Like:
· Lefty: So-named because of the missing nostril melted down by cocaine.
· Rafael: Devised groundbreaking formula 2 pints plasma = 1 pint cheap vodka.
· Sex Machine: Groans in ecstasy when nurse inserts needle.
· Dr. Rockit: Old school break dancer; head permanently cocked to the right.
Your fellow donors may even invite you to share a communal beer in the alley!
Footnote #1: A sign at an Oregon clinic warns that men may not donate if they’ve had sex with another male after 1977.
Footnote #2: According to the Southern Illinois University student newspaper, a local ghost researcher suspects that the basement beneath a plasma center in downtown Carbondale may be haunted.
Posted by Jake
