Microscopic UFOs?

Hi Doc:

Lately I've been wondering why cable TV and the movies typically depict UFOs as huge objects that practically obliterate the sky. I believe that these potboiler dramas actually do the UFO community a disservice, because they get the public watching the skies for just one type of alien aircraft--the huge saucer.

Based on my twenty years of experience, UFOs come in all sizes, including some that can only be seen under a high-powered microscope. I had a small UFO land on my arm last summer and, thinking it was a mosquito, was about to swat it. But just as my hand was about to come down, I saw that it was a tiny spacecraft.

The object was silver with a wide black windshield and did not appear to be inhabited. I suspect that it was an unpiloted drone, with some kind of video "eye" operating behind the black windshield.

After this realization, I picked up an empty ice tea glass, hoping to trap the UFO underneath it. But the craft silently zipped away moments before I could take action.

I got a bad sunburn waiting for the UFO to return, but it never did. I'd advise other readers of your informative blog to be on the lookout for UFOs of all sizes and shapes. They might be missing out on the thrill of a lifetime.

Alicia in Knoxville, TN.

Obama Distributes 300 Free Turkeys From Single Shopping Bag, Says Eyewitness

Hi Doc:

I know it's Thanksgiving and you're probably taking the day off to be with your loved ones, but I have to tell you what I saw with my own eyes a few hours ago.

I'm a resident of southwest Virginia near the Tennessee border. Earlier today, a man distributed 300 turkeys to needy families in the surrounding area--all from a single, normal-size shopping bag.

Curious about a stranger walking from house to house in my neighborhood, I began to follow him around. I'm not a cop, but you never know around the holidays--he could have been a burglar looking for an empty house to rob. Plus, he wore a long black coat and a wide brim felt fedora pulled down low, so his face was almost completely hidden.

I soon discovered that his only business in our neighborhood was giving 15 to 20 pound frozen turkeys to needy families. I personally observed him handing out approximately 300 pounds of turkeys to eighteen households, all the while hefting the shopping bag as if it was empty.

Finally, as he was walking away from a farmhouse, I got up the nerve to ask him why he was handing out free food. The man, who had been completely silent up to that point said, "I'm not giving people turkeys. I'm giving them hope." Then he disappeared around a corner of the dilapidated barn we were standing next to.

It took me a couple of moments to realize that I had been speaking to Barack Obama! But when I raced after him to get his autograph as proof of his visit, Mr. Obama was nowhere in sight. I am still looking for him at this moment, but just heard in my car radio that he's nowhere near Virginia today.

Thanks for letting me tell you and your thousands of readers about this extraordinary experience.

Allen in Virginia

The Ghost Ate Sausage and Gravy, Part 2

"Talk to me, bro' talk to me," Frank M. screamed, rising to his feet. "They must have sausage and gravy in Hell, because I'd recognize them farts anywhere!"

It had long been a running joke between the brothers how Duane's favorite dish gave his farts a staggering odor that made even strong men eager to catch a fresh breeze on their Harleys.

"Tell me, bro'. There let you carry a gun Down There? Fire a couple a rounds if ya' hear me."

Frank waited in vain for the deafening blast of Duane's beloved sawed-off shotgun. "Oh, I get it," he chuckled uncomfortably, "Don't shoot. F**k with my head. Still up to your old tricks, hey bro'?"

Frank spent the next hour cursing loudly at Duane until the cops showed up on a noise complaint. Emotionally drained, pissed that even as a ghost Duane got a kick out of pulling his chain, Frank tackled the nearest unform. Twenty minutes later, surrounded by blue and badges, Frank was hauled downtown and booked.

Three days later, as soon as he returned to his apartment, he again began yelling at Duane. This continued until he was evicted.

When last spotted, Duane was in a sleazy Phoenix bar, cursing a ghostly Duane the assembled bikers, dope dealers, pimps and 'hos couldn't see. They laughed, they grumbled, but did nothing to further disturb the insane, 6-foot 6-inch, 325-pounder. Because Frank was enormous and dangerous. And because the sausage and gravy stench Frank raged about hung so heavily in the air.

reported by D.P. with assistance from Angie.

The Ghost Ate Sausage & Gravy, Part 1

The foul, rotten egg smell seeped into the front room of Frank M.'s apartment.

"Why does the pilot light always go off with 45 seconds left in the fourth quarter?" Frank asked, dropping his TV remote to the couch as he rose woozily to his feet.

Eight Budweisers in two hours made it hard to walk straight, he admitted as he lurched into the kitchen, propping himself against the refrigerator. Bending down, he peered into the oven. The pilot light burned bright blue. So what had caused the smell? He wondered about that as he staggered back to the living room, fell face first on the couch and passed out.

He awoke Sunday at noon, contemplated the heaping mess his life had become and cried. Tears streamed down his face, just like they had at the funeral, where they'd laid his younger brother Duane to rest after his heart attack in a bar fight. Duane had thrown one punch and missed, the momentum carrying his 376 pounds to the floor, from which he'd never arisen.

"F**kin' miss you, bro'," Frank blubbered. He remained in that state, slowly sliding off the couch, until he heard several rapid-fire reports, like from a cheap .22 caliber pistol.

He tensed. Then the rotten egg smell returned and Frank smiled for the first time since Duane died. Because he sensed there was someone else, an unseen presence in the apartment. His brother.

To be continued...

Did Beard-Wearing Obama Save Starving South Dakota Clan?

Note from Doc:

I told you the other day of a rumor that Barack Obama would be performing good deeds in all 50 states before taking office--as his way of thanking the American people for his election. Here's the first such report from a reader in South Dakota:

"Last week, a tall, bearded man, dressed all in white, knocked at the door of my poverty-stricken neighbors and asked for something to eat. Although food was scarce, my neighbors invited the stranger to share their sparse meal--bread, onions and water. The kindly man ate quickly and asked how much he owed for the delicious feast.

"When my neighbors refused payment, the man said in a powerful voice, 'Well, if you charge me nothing for dinner, may God bless you and peace be with you.' Then he walked out and disappeared so rapidly that he seemed to vanish into thin air.

"Incredibly, although the man had been seen eating the food he'd been given, when my neighbors cleared the table, the food was still there on his plate--untouched.

"Even more amazing, when I visited the family two days later and asked them to describe what the man looked like, one of their children, who was watching TV, called out--'There he is mommy, the man who ate dinner with us!'

"When I turned my attention to the television, I was bowled over to see Barack Obama giving a press conference. My neighbors gasped--it was true. They had been visited by a vision, or something, of Barack Obama wearing a white robe and a beard!

"Since Obama's visit, my kind neighbors have never gone hungry again. Somehow, they are always able to scrape together the most scrumptious meals I've ever tasted!"

Cannibals Sickened by Bad Meat

Offering continuing evidence of China's food quality problems, a tribe of cannibals in the western province of Xinjiang has been sickened by bad government meat. Government officials say two have died and seventeen have been hospitalized under tragic circumstances.

Beginning in 1995, authorities began providing the tribe with the human remains of accident victims and executed prisoners. When butchered and salted, the meat would last for several months, after which another several tons would be airlifted to the remote region. The murder rate plummeted and officials planned to expand the pilot program to other provinces where cannibalism is protected by 17th century treaties.

However, discovery of the tainted meat has brought the entire effort to a screeching halt until scientists determine what when wrong. Police fear that until then the homicide rate in Xinjiang province will return to its historic norm.

reported by Doc Paranormal