2009's Most Disturbing Predictions: #6 of 10

2009: A bizarre, previously unknown historical society declares the U.S. Constitution a "philosophical as well as physical antique."

2037: Despite initial turn-of the-century derision, the notion gains widespread support, resulting in a triumphant suspension of the Constitution's now "quaint" concepts. A gleeful mob breaks the actual document from its glass case, after which it is shat on by a bipartisan duo--winners of a sick nationally lottery who were given the choice of receiving $1 million* or performing the act.

*The equivalent of $1.83 in 2009 funds.

Doc

2009's Most Disturbing Predictions: #5 of 10

Child lead of edgy reality show "101 Pit Bulls" ripped to shreds when he camps out in parents' backyard with 10 of his canine co-stars.

Producers will sue animal wrangler, yet fail to convince TV network that the "show must go on."

2009's Most Disturbing Psychic Predictions: #4 of 10

Summer, 2009:

Suicidal skydivers rain down on Washington, D.C. They are never identified. The act is not considered political.

2009's Most Disturbing Psychic Predictions: #3 of 10

Under pressure from his new job, Barack Obama develops a craving for cheddar cheese, which he consumes with Ritz crackers--even during press conferences. A national trend is launched, resulting in skyrocketing sales for Wisconsin dairy farmers and Nabisco.

On the downside: a 2017 AMA-sponsored study reveals massive increase in heart disease--primarily among Obama supporters.

Note from Doc: Three psychics made this prediction independent of one another.

2009's Most Disturbing Psychic Predictions: #2 of 10

During Barack Obama's inauguration, a band of Scottish pipers will be unable to stop playing. Even after authorities confiscate the band's instruments, their music will be heard, ruining the even for many people in attendance.
D.P.

2009's Most Disturbing Psychic Predictions: #1 of 10

The world will run out of pop songs in 2009. The dearth of creativity will reach a tipping point when tunesmith Mick Jagger erases tapes of the Rolling Stones new album, confessing hasn't had a new idea in 25 years.

In the final straw, rapper Kanye West will record a Puff Daddy tune that sampled Led Zeppelin who ripped off the original riff from bluesman Sonny Boy Williamson.

complied by Doc Paranormal from psychic input

Satan to Rule 2009?

Hi Doc:

Happy New Year (almost)! Don't want to scare you, but I conducted an informal poll of my friends an acquaintances at a party last night and the results were troubling.

I can hear you saying so what.

Well, here's why the poll is important. Most of the people at the party were psychics like me. And 47 out of 59 of them contend that Satan will be the most influential "person" of the year 2009. Barack Obama and other world leaders will be at his mercy. Despite their best efforts, chaos will rule the year, with stock markets plunging to Depression-level lows.

Other prediction highlights:

*Millions of unemployed people will wander the streets in a daze, unable to understand why their pockets are empty. Disturbances will break out in at least two major American cities, with knife-wielding rioters slashing their way into sports stadiums, where they demand free seating and force fatigued athletes to play game after game after game.

*In another incredible tragedy, racing fans will bring rifles to one NASCAR event and laugh as they shoot out the tires of every Toyota.

*Members of a symphony in a midwestern city will end a concert by smashing their instruments like a rock band, causing $1.3 million in damage to rare violins and bassoons.

*On three rainy days, Beverly Hills matrons will spend $3.7 million on luxury goods, only to stuff their purchases down Rodeo Drive storm drains, causing minor flooding.

*At a Florida beach, parents will decide on the spur of the moment to give away their children to new families they never met before. The children and their new "parents" won't blink an eye and will live happily ever after.

However, there is a silver lining at the end of 2009. A major technological breakthrough will be made that will lead to full employment within five years.

The catch: The breakthrough will be made by a satanist who will reap untold billions from his invention and will pay his employees the minimum wage.

Here's hoping I'm wrong,

Jackson in Denver

NOTE FROM DOC: Send your predictions for 2009 to askdocparanormal@gmail.com

Apartment Complex Plagued by Alien Abductions

Dear Doc:

Since September, three people in my apartment complex say that they have been abducted by aliens. Two of them recently lost their jobs and the other one moved out immediately after being medically examined by the aliens--at least that's what she said. I'm concerned that my complex is being targeted. Should I move out? I'd like to but it would involve breaking my lease and the complex is conveniently located near my job and the beach in El Segundo, California.

Maria

Dear Maria:

Considering where you are located and the probable cost of breaking your lease, I'd stay put for now. Additionally, not everyone believes in the reality of alien abduction. Research psychologist Richard J. McNally of Harvard University says that people who claim they've been abducted by aliens suffer from a fairly common disorder. They're victims of sleep paralysis accompanied by "hypnopompic visions." Sufferers often sleep with their eyes open and dream of floating in space or of shadowy beings. About 15 percent of adults have experienced the condition at one time or another.
Doc

Reader Replies to "Impoverished Family Feeds Angel"

Hi Doc:

"I'm surprised that most people don't realize that everything they consider paranormal can be reproduced by Satan. Satan can imitate an Angel of Light, so it wouldn't be any problem for him to imitate ghosts, dead loved ones or even your favorite American Idol contestant.

"Satan does these things to play with people's sanity and generally prompt them to turn their attention away from God and onto false things. I'm not saying that there aren't any UFOs or Sasquatches walking around, but people need to realize that Satan will do anything to steer you from the Light.

"For example, take your reported case of the old beggar who was fed by the impoverished family--and magically left them with a lifetime supply of food that appeared every day after his visit: this is a ruse by Satan to make the family believe that hard work is not needed to put food on the table."

James in Nevada

Impoverished Family Feeds Angel

On Christmas day a tall, bearded old man, all dressed in white, knocked at the door of the poverty-stricken Minnesota family. He asked for something to eat.

Although food was scarce, "Anna," the woman of the house, invited the stranger to share their sparse meal--bread, onions and water. The man ate quickly and then asked Anna how much he owed her.

When Anna refused payment, the man said in a voice so powerful she almost fainted: "Well, if you charge me nothing for my dinner, may God bless you and peace be with you." Then the old man walked out and disappeared so rapidly he seemed to vanish into thin air.

Incredibly, although the man had been seen eating the food he'd been given, when Anna cleared the table, the food was still there on his plate, untouched.

Since last week's visit by the mysterious stranger, Anna's family has never gone hungry again.

Note from Doc: There are historical reports of angels wandering across America dating back 250 years.